Inside or Outside the System: Learning to trust what can’t be fixed—and build what can.

We’re told to change things from the inside—to stay, to push, to reform. But what happens when the system itself resists change? This week, I’m reflecting on what it really means to step outside the systems that no longer serve our children, and the kind of freedom that waits there.

For a long time, I believed the most meaningful change happened inside the system.

If you could just get the right people in the right rooms—if enough of us cared, if we spoke up at the meetings and joined the committees—surely things would shift. Surely, someone would listen.

When my daughter first began struggling in school, that’s where my energy went: inside.

I joined the meetings, emailed the teachers, sat in on evaluations, read through district policies late at night. I thought if I just understood it better, I could fix it.

But the deeper I went, the more I realized the system wasn’t designed to change.

It was designed to sustain itself.

And when you start seeing that clearly, it does something to your spirit. You stop asking, “How can I make this work?” and start wondering, “Why am I trying so hard to make something work that keeps breaking my child?”

Stepping outside the system wasn’t easy.

It felt like a free fall at first—no roadmap, no safety net, just intuition and faith.

But what I found out here, beyond the rules and structures, was something I never experienced inside: space.

Space to breathe. Space to trust. Space for her to be herself.

People often assume that when we leave systems—especially education—we’re giving up. That we’re “opting out.” But I don’t see it that way anymore.

I see it as creating something new.

A new way of learning, relating, being in the world.

A way that doesn’t ask my child to contort herself into something smaller just to fit.

I was at the arboretum selecting a memoir tree for my mom just this past weekend, and the tree coordinator asked me about my daughter’s education — my daughter told her “we homeschool.” Then I explained “unschooling” and the coordinator was fascinated with the concept. She said how wonderful you take your daughter out to learn in the world. And that’s when it hit me — we are doing exactly what we’re meant to be doing.

And yet, I hold deep respect for those who choose to stay inside the system.

There are parents, teachers, and advocates doing heart work within those walls, trying to carve out small pockets of change. And I commend them — and you — if you’re one of them.

That path takes courage too.

Maybe that’s the truth about transformation: it needs both kinds of people.

The ones who stay in and soften the system from the inside—and the ones who step out and show us what else is possible.

For me, leaving wasn’t about rejection.

It was about remembering.

Remembering that my intuition has always known what my daughter needs.

Remembering that change doesn’t always look like reform—it often looks like reimagining.

Sometimes the most radical thing we can do is step outside the system long enough to see it clearly, and then begin to build what we wish existed.

I don’t think there’s one right place to stand—inside or outside. We each have our own medicine to bring, our own way of weaving change.

But if you’ve been feeling that tug in your gut—the one whispering that maybe it’s time to walk away—trust that it’s not rebellion.

It’s remembrance.

It’s your intuition guiding you back to a truer way of being and learning.

If you’ve left the system, or you’re standing at the edge wondering what might happen if you did,

I’d love to hear your story.

How are you finding your way outside the walls?

This post is part of my ongoing reflections in The Unschooling Motherhood Diaries, where I share stories, insights, and gentle guidance on deprogramming outdated systems, trusting intuition, and reimagining education and motherhood from the inside out—or stepping boldly outside.

If you like what you’ve read and want to step into a community of other moms who are following the Unschooling & Deprogramming path, please join me over on Skool, where I’m creating a community of support and guidance for those of us who are being called to do things differently!

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